are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
