Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
