of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
