worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
