Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize