She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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