If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
