fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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