He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
