This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
