i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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