If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
