On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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