3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
