maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
