sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
