you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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