I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is my gift to your gina
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
