you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
