Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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