Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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