If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
