He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
