My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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