every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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