she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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