where am i from again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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