Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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