Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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