remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
