Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
