The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
