am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
