i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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