It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
