Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
