wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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