I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This house was built for laser tag.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like heaven, but drunker
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
