just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
