Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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