Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
