I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
