she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
