Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
