Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
