I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
