Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
