I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize