just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
