My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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