this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
