never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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