Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Buhtt sex?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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