so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
