you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I will pee on everything he values.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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