You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
