I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
