My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
