An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
