Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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