I'm eating all of the evidence.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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