Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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