Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
