I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
