And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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