plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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