i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
