Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
