Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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