Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
