You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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