I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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