I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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